Thursday, January 27, 2011

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar

Isn't that what she sang? You know who I am talking about the nanny of Michael and Jane Banks, the only woman I know that could carry the world in her carpet bag, and more importantly is able to get around in life by an umbrella, while pausing for a moment to sit upon a cloud and take in all of the sights of London. I'm speaking of none other than the intriguing character of Mary Poppins. I loved her as a young girl. I mean really...what young girl didn't. Did she not have the most magical "man friend" Bert? What man do you know can chalk a beautiful scenery that enables you to simply step into and away from it all?
How I wish this fairytale were true. I wonder if this is where the advertisement "Calgon take me away" stems from? Doubtful, but today I am seeing similarities between the two. It's a day when I would give anything to be whisked away by a gust of wind, no worries as I'm dangling from my umbrella. A day when the most juvenile of chalk pictures could take me into the simple yet intriguing mind of one of my three boys. What if the tears I've shed could be the very droplets in our chalked fantasy that teach us to dance in the rain? Better yet, that darn instruction book I've never found could be pulled from my bottomless carpet bag.
Why does it seem, when I've just accomplished what appears to be the tallest mountain, there's another a few yards away that is much steeper and taller than the last? Its sheets of ice, will be forcing me to take the less traveled route. I'm speculating that this is God's way of telling me, "Look at the bright side Muffy, you need the exercise". These new glasses I have are not only allowing me to see what I read, but they have become the windows to my heart and soul. I'm sure of it. For the first time, my heart and soul are seeing the balancing act of a working mother and wife. I applaud those of you who have been doing it for years. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a job that I love. I can't imagine being in these shoes, hating every minute of it. I just can't get a grip on the balancing act. I'm still trying to be the super mom I strive to be, the one the boys know they can count on, as well as the wife and soul mate my husband needs. How do you mommy's do it? What are some of the tricks of the trade? If you can't tell, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Most women won't come out and tell you they feel as though they are failing their loved ones. Most of us want the world to believe all is perfect in our house of glass. Well, mine is not, and I want to know your secrets. I don't want my boys to head down the wrong path in the future, nor do I want my best friend and soul mate to venture because of my weaknesses as a wife.
So here I am, my glass house is broken and life is far from perfect. I'm reaching out to my girlfriends. I'm pretty sure God is sick of listening to me today, and there is not enough wind for my umbrella to whisk me away. All of the spoonfulls of sugar have given me a cavity and it's too cold to chalk. Did I mention that Mary retired? How rude! Right when I am in need of her most ;)?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Let It Snow

What a week to start off the New Year! I'm in hopes that this past week is not a sign of what's to come over the next 11 months. I've been having some problems with my back for those who don't know. I thought only "old" people went through these kinds of things? Certainly shouldn't be young gals like my self *hee*hee*hee Who am I kidding?
It was another great week at Jury Eye. I am learning tons, and loving it every step of the way. Dr. Jury, his wife and Dr. Blasi are all amazing people. As far as the docs are concerned, I love the fact that I am in an office that actually CARES about their patients well being. Both docs go that extra mile for all of their patients giving each one of them the comfort in knowing they are trustworthy, compassionate and professional physicians. I can't tell you enough how lucky I feel to be given this opportunity. The best part in all of this is knowing that I am taking some of the stress off of Scott's shoulders. What an awesome husband I have to always go the extra mile for this family. He has given me the opportunity to stay home with our boys for all of these years and never did he complain. It's time for me to give back. Lastnight we pulled up at home and were still sitting in the car when he says, "I've been meaning to tell you Thank You." I asked for what? and he replies "For helping me out and getting a job, it means a lot to me." Most woman don't get the chance to stay home with their kiddos, I did, and will be forever grateful to Scott for that chance. I know that this was God's plan all along. Why couldn't I have just seen that. I know it's something that is easier said than done, but to think of all the stress I put myself under trying to find this type of position. He knew the whole time, it's just another good lesson learned for me. I've posted before about how I can't just let things go, giving them fully to God. He's giving me the proof right upside the back of my head hoping that this time I will "get it". :) Jeremiah 29:11 says it best For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. He's not saying that we won't go through life with out pain and hardships. However he is saying that having him in our hearts and knowing him as our savior will ease the pain and the hardships carrying us through to the ending he desires for us. These are words that I need to come to live by.
As this past week comes to an end, it has a terrific ending. I am happy to report that all three boys came home with outstanding grade cards each scoring EXEMPLARY in different areas. Aidyn in math, Axton and Alyjah in reading. We are so incredibly proud of these three boys. Day in and day out I worry that I won't be doing something right for them, or that I am not doing enough. Of course as a mom, I never feel like I am doing enough. As a parent we want to grant them the world. Impossible I know, but hey, what's wrong with setting a higher standard to goals? I still wonder if I got jipped on the instruction manuals for each, but am beginning to believe that the 5 of us will make it through life with out them. No one is perfect and I am going to make mistakes in parenting them. It's comforting to know though, that I have the support I need in Scott and the power of prayer. My boys see this spirit in our home every day, that is what makes them the beautiful young men that they are. We've raised them to be respectful of others, respectful to Scott and I as their parents, and most importantly respectful of themselves. We've tried to teach them to love their own self and not to worry about what they feel are their faults. With strength and courage they will get through anything and with their faith in Christ, the goals that they set for themselves are attainable. I know these boys will go far. Scott and I will be here to guide and nurture them every step of the way. Way to go AXTON, AIDYN AND ALYJAH mom and dad are very proud of you all!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year, Better at Blogging

After looking over my past blog posts, I couldn't believe that it has been August since I've posted anything. It's not that there hasn't been anything going on...there's been PLENTY. I'm chalking it up to I have been too busy...or something like that, okay laziness. There, I admitted it.
Over the past few months, I've watched my children grow into the most intriguing and beautiful little boys. I keep thinking that as they get older, they will begin to acquire the likeness that most siblings do. Not so much. They are still very night and day of one another. I know this is what makes them who they are. So very different in all things, yet such beautifully loving and eager souls.
Scott and I just celebrated our 15th Christmas together. How amazing is that? I know there are others that have celebrated more, but those couples are few and far between in our generation. I have learned so much this last year about our relationship as husband and wife as well as our individual heart and souls. This act of learning more about myself, my husband, and our relationship is an ongoing course. One that I am proud to say I will never tire of. There isn't a day that passes that I don't learn something new about Scott or myself. When I am not learning I am educating myself on the "hows" and "whys" of our differences and likenesses. God truly blessed me with an amazing husband. Not only has Scott taught me so much about myself but he has taught me to be a better person, mother, friend, daughter and sister. He will never know the impact that his heart and soul have had on my life. No one said that marriage was easy, it is a full time job. If you are like me, its a job that you promised before God. At this job there are no sick days, no vacations, no 401K, and no rest for the weary. It does however, pour over with an education only a spouse can give, the drive to love with a deeper impact than imaginable and a benefit package that wraps your heart for a lifetime. In times of trouble, you work harder, not give up, after all did Jesus give up on us?
As for me, it's a new year with a new beginning. Many doors have opened for me in these past few months and I have no one to thank but the Man above. A year ago this past month I started attending the First Presbyterian Church of Derby. I can honestly say I have found my home for worship. Like a new pair of jeans, it just fits. Perfectly. The last four years were a rough road. I know that nothing is ever easy, but with God in my heart and on my side, the bumps in the road are definitly easier to understand and comprehend why changes happen the way that they do. Instead of always trying to solve all of lifes problems, I take them on in stride. Knowing all the while that they are part of a bigger plan. I had to go through some horrible jobs to find the perfect one. During the trip I made friendships that will last a lifetime. I had to lose friends to regain them and appreciate them as well as myself. It's kind of like the old saying "It's better to have loved and lost then to have lost and never loved". In learning more about myself, I have learned to be a better wife and mother. These two jobs are now what matter most. As it should have always been like this, sadly it wasn't. My blog this morning is a summary of the past few months of my life. The past few months that have made me who I am today. Although I still have so much to learn, the changes that I have made, are making me more eager to see what life has to offer. I'm ready to take the next chapter head on. No looking back, only onward and upward.

Friday, August 6, 2010


Is no news really good news? If you ask anyone in this Travis family they will all tell you no. I know that I am supposed to go on with life as if we were not WAITING for anything...but good grief. I waited to the last minute to enroll the kids, the last minute to sign Jax up for football and still we wait. Now, my Scooter is on vacation for a week so we will STILL know nothing. UGH! It's agonizing. If we are going, I wanted to be there in time for my kiddos to make some friends before school started. In Seattle they don't start until Sept 1. Now we are even cutting it too close for this. I told Scott, you watch we are going to have to pick up and move in the middle of the school year, because nothing can run smoothly for my crew. EVER! A good friend of mine posted something on her facebook the other day and it seemed to be just what I needed...she said...go ahead, you wanna make God laugh...make plans. Boy was she ever right! It's impossible! Where is my instruction manual, my guidance? I am one of these people that needs guidance in everything! And I do mean everything! I ask my best friend's opinion in every aspect of my life. Thank God she thinks with a level head in my crazy life. I don't know where I would be today. I love my Amy Jo!
For now, I will continue to sit and wait. If any of you have any suggestions while we wait, let me know lol!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Trudging Through the Mud, While Climbing the Tallest Mountain

This Mom is "back in session". The boys have returned after being gone for a week, I kinda forgot what it was like to have a responsibility :). I am however, so glad they made it safely home with Nana Monday night. More importantly they got to spend time with their great grandfather. These are the times for which they will always be grateful for. Best of all they are the perfect age to remember all of his Pop Pop'isms. For example when he calls Alyjah Ally Jo from the Alamo. Our Pop Pop Rocks!
Just after the 4th of July Jax played in the State Tournament with his baseball team the Derby Orioles I can't help but brag and tell you that his team took 3rd in the state of Kansas. Yes, you read that right, 3RD IN THE WHOLE STATE! All bragging rights aside I got to spend the weekend with a very good girlfriend of mine. We haven't been "good" friends for all that long, but over the last couple of years I have learned what an awesome spirit she is. This girlfriend of mine is in a "rough" spot right now and I pray for God to comfort her and give her peace on a daily basis. As the weekend rushed by us, and our chic chats came to an end, I found a quote that fit her perfectly. Just in time too. Having three boys in a Honda Civic does not leave much room for "adult conversation". So, I felt blessed to have found this quote before we were subject to nothing but PG rated conversations. Here is the quote...
Things happen for a reason. People change so we can learn to let go. Things go wrong, so that we can appreciate them when they go right. And good things often fall apart so that better things can fall together.
I noticed this morning that she had posted this quote on her facebook page. It was a good feeling to know that I had found something that could possibly ease her pain. Yet, as I read the quote it spoke to me today more than it did two weeks ago. Every sentence in these statements speaks volumes in my life right now. Why does it take me reading them on a Facebook wall to realize that there is so much truth behind every one of the statements?
Things happen for a reason. So many times we wonder who, what, when, where and why? It's all in the plan. Everything is paved and enscribed in our path. It's whether we trudge through the mud or look for the high road. Isn't the trudge what makes us who we are? It shapes us for what ever it is our future holds.
People change so we can learn to let go. A hard one for me to personally swallow. People are put in our lives to set an impression in one way or another. I believe it's all in how we handle the outcome that makes us who we are. Paths cross when you are both at a "trudging" point, then seperate when one of you takes the "high road". It isn't until you are both on the same path to salvation, aiding one another in the "trudge",that you realize how important you are in the life of one another. If your paths never cross again take what God intended for you to gain out of this relationship and use it to move mountains on your path of life. After all, do we not lead best by example?
Things go wrong so we can appreciate them when they go right. Learn from your mistakes, you are your worst critic. Pick up the pieces and learn to let go of what set you astray. These are the times our evils are lurking to intervene. Before long, the mud becomes your quick sand and you are struggling for air. If we could all just see how to make a mosaic out of the broken pieces it would be so much easier to trudge the mud. If Jesus had not picked up the pieces on his path to salvation where would we all be now? There's a deep thought for the day...
And good things often fall apart so that better things can fall together. So many times we catch ourselves asking God, "Can it get any worse?" It can always be worse. Why do we wait until we are seeing or hearing of something life altering or damaging in someone else's life before we realize that it can always be worse? It's almost sickening to think someone else's misery can be an eye opener for the rest of us. If we could all just live in the way God intended. If we could just realize our trudge through the mud currently in our way, is only drying some of the puddles that could create havoc in our future. Be there for one another, be someone's elses rock. "Study and teach the inspiration of the truth in Jesus because anyone can believe in Jesus, the awesomeoness is in following and loving him."
As for me, I can tell you there is so much going on in life right now,that is testing the trust I have in my own faith. I'm learning now more than ever that my mud puddles are out of my hands and I can only trudge through them as Jesus did for me. I have learned that for all things there is a bigger plan, that I definetly do not know the answers to. I continue to pray for His guidance through the mud or give me strength to conquer the mountains. Whether it be climbing over them or moving them, they are there for a reason and only He has the anwers. My faith is in Him as I look for a way to keep trudging my path and feel blessed that I am learning to give it all up to God.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

God Is On My Speed Dial

What an awesome weekend! I love being able to spend time with close family and friends during holiday weekends. It seems as though during the summer months, with everyone's busy schedules, holidays are the only weekends we are able to all get together. With Scott's brothers and himself being the "pyros" they are, any 4th of July celebration with us is sure to be phenomenal! This season proved nothing different. With Lonny's on Saturday and the Murray's on Sunday there was tons of fun to be had by all.
I thought today I would update everyone on the status of a possible move to Seattle, as well as a couple of other things that I have been praying for over the last few weeks.
Let me start with an update on the Lewis'. Lee and Natalie Lewis and their three girls came into our lives 3 years ago. Since then I could never imagine my life without them. Lee is like the brother that I never had, giving me a taste of my own with his fiery attitude to compete with mine. I know...can you imagine? I never in a million years would have thought I would meet my match in "hard headedness"...I have :). Trinity, Chloe, and Jasmine are nothing short of beautiful. Those three little girls could put a smile on anyones face. They give their mommy and daddy one heck of a run for their money, but Lee and Nattie wouldn't want them any other way. God truly blessed this couple with three sweet little ones. They call me Auntie Muffy and it melts me every time they utter my name. Lastly but definitely not least, my Nattie Joe. This woman has made such a lasting impression on my heart, through friendship, loyalty, faith, and family I can't believe someone like me has been so blessed to be touched by her love. This past year has had plenty of ups and downs for this family. They moved from Derby to Valley Center, had a run in with medical issues, and dealt with other trials and tribulations that every young couple goes through in life. Natalie decided a couple of months ago that she wanted to return to school this fall to obtain a degree in Physical Therapy. She was so excited to hear of all of the paperwork for her GI bill, and student loans being accepted. She was ready for the twins (Trinity and Chloe) to start school in the fall and had already enrolled Jasmine in daycare. Just when it seemed that things were starting to look up, they were hit with some rather disturbing news. Lee received military orders to report to Afghanistan. I immediately felt an overwhelming pull at my heart strings. Natalie and Lee were both left wondering how they were going to get through this. How was Natalie going to raise three girls on her own, go to school full time, and be the man and woman of her household? As much as I tried to reassure her that I knew she could do this, that I would be here to help her no matter what she needed. The reality set in that I could be leaving her as well. Being a military family, means they haven't stayed in one place for any length of time. It also means that they both come from two very different areas of the United States. Natalie from Oklahoma and Lee from New York. They have no family here. I prayed nightly that God would show Nat the strength that she needed to get through the next year. She and I talk everyday. With every passing day, Lee's date was inching closer and closer. The thought of him leaving her was beginning to weigh heavily on her mind. I knew that this was going to be a long haul for her, I knew that with prayer, love and faith, she could accomplish what is was that God had planned for her. She and I discovered lastnight that we could Skype each other, and it would be just like sitting in our living rooms talking like neighbors again. (I know we are geeks, but it was SAHWEEET!) After an hour or so we hung up. I saw a different Nat lastnight than I saw on Saturday at Lonny's. She was so tired. I couldn't help but think, this is only going to get worse, she is going to need me. I prayed hard lastnight. I prayed that God would somehow show Nattie the light, I prayed that He would hold her tightly in his arms the next few months guiding her through these trying times. Today I received this text message from Lee...
"just wanted to let you all know, the Boss cancelled my deployment to Afghanistan. The manning here is tight, so he could not send me. Thank God" Boy was he right, THANK GOD! What an awesome prayer answered! Trust me when I say, when I talked with Nattie this afternoon, I could tell a weight had been lifted from her. She could breathe and was thanking God every step of the way.
Next, a very good friend of mine is going through a very rough patch. She is recently divorced, raising two boys on her own, and in desperate need of a job. She has spent the last year in school getting her degree in Medical Coding. During which time holding down a full time job, taking excellent care of her boys, and maintaining a 4.0GPA. She has the drive and the dedication that most of us don't see in very many people. She has been applying for jobs daily since graduation to no avail. I spoke with her today and I could hear the desperation in her voice. I had no words of wisdom, nor any sound advice. I could only listen and try to be the best friend that I could possibly be. What I am asking is this. If you know of anyone that is looking for a Medical Billing Specialist or really anything to get her foot in the door somewhere please let me know. I would greatly appreciate it and I can't even begin to tell you how much stress it would lift off of this single moms kindred spirit. Until now please help me to pray for a positive outcome for her.
Lastly, Seattle. Still...nothing. We have heard several things through the grapevine but nothing definite. So we are still waiting. I can tell you, it's driving all of us crazy. Although he will never admit it, my Scooter feels like a sitting duck. He knows that this is the type of opportunity he has waited on his whole life. As a man, I think they stress about things like this more than a woman ever thought about. I just wish that I could take some of the heat off of his shoulders for him. I told him lastnight that I was worried how he would react if he was not given this position. I told him that I know he wants it badly and I don't want some thing like this to break his confidence in himself. He informed me of this, "It's all up to the Man upstairs, I have done all I can do it's out of my control now." Just to hear him say this made me feel so much better. Hopefully he will know something soon and the waiting game will be over. Until then, thank you for all of your continued support and prayers. We are hoping a decision is knocking on our back door. Until then God is on my speed dial, He is all we need. He is the strength that we all need to get through the road blocks on our path of life.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Slipping Through My Fingers

July, yep it's July and I am not even for sure what has happened to my friend June. She just slipped right on out the door yesterday with out a "so long" or "see ya later". I have to say I was glad to see her go. June is always our busiest month of the summer. It seems as though we get to where we are almost robotic in our daily ventures. So much so that I know I spend most of time trying to catch myself, yet I always slip right through my own fingers.
As I am blogging this I am wondering why I am continuing to let myself stress over everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I am sure that I promised, through prayer, that I was going to start doing better about giving these "stresses" to God. Just when I think I have gotten this giving it to God strive down...I find myself quickly raising my arm saying, "Wait! Wait a minute, I am not done stressing over this yet." Just before these little knicks in my day are about to slip from my fingers, I hurry and grab them up tight again. Ummm yeah, I just said that, I grab my stresses and hold onto them. It seems so ridiculous to type this when I know that He is there to help and guide me. Yet I still battle with trying to be in control. Who am I kidding? I know in my heart that things would be a lot easier if I would just put my faith in Him but still I juggle the temptations of evil.
"He'll here you." "You have to pray!" I tell myself this all the time but it takes getting to the end of my rope before I realize, to take a deep breath and pray. Let it go, have faith, and sit back and enjoy the ride. Seems so easy right? Yet another self realization, I haven't fully learned to lean and rely on him. Let his strength surround and protect me. I heard a song yesterday on KLove, "lay your head in My hands and let Me protect you" was one of the verses. The signs are all there, He is trying to call to me and I am not hearing Him.
What? Am I a control freak?...MMMMM yeah probably. How does one fully let go? Do you ever fully let go? When times are bad, you simply don't have a digging piece of evidence in your brain that you are stressed and struggling? I do. It nags at me until I break. I'm writing and crying because this full on realization is hurting. The choices I make that effect our lives I fully do it out of the best interest of our family. Still, some back fire and end up causing heart ache. Then the cycle starts again. Is this just the facts of life? Is He slipping through my fingers and the evil seeping in? Ugh it's to early for all of this deep thought. I think I need to get back in bed, and try this day again. I need to take heave and listen to His calling. Maybe today I will take the advice from my Yada Yada Prayer Group story, book 1. "on the days when I am feeling the worst I turn up my feel good Christian radio station and sing and dance a jig. Let that devil man try to hurt me when I am singing and dancing in the love of the Lord!"
God, please give me the strength I need to understand. What is it that I'm not seeing? Help me to lay my head in Your hands and cast over my heart the ways to your truths.